Add It Up
by linnell
Summary: Rentfic - Chapter Three up 4/10/03 Takes place during Act Two - Mark's reactions to things around him and how he tries not to deal with it.
1. Default Chapter

**A/N:  General Disclaimer stuff – Not mine.. .Jonathan Larson… etc.**

**Inspiration struck for this story the last time I saw Rent on bwy, so Matt Caplan inspired this, though I still think of Jim Poulos when I write Mark.  Anyway, the part post Happy New Year when The Man comes out and talks to Mimi, I always knew that Mark stands there, but Matt actually had a reaction to it, and it was not a pleasant one.  So this entire thing is based off of Matt's facial expression.**  **I have three chapters (though they are short) of this written already, so go me!**        

Add It Up – Chapter One 

Mimi made me nervous.  I understood the lure of her, but I privately wondered if it would be too much for Roger. I've seen nothing but smiles and heard nothing but laughter from him for the past week, despite the fact we've been homeless.  That was, until a few minutes ago.  His temper flew at the mere mention of Benny's name.

          That was the Roger I was used to dealing with.  Irrational, angry, and jealous.  I used to be the only one that could handle him after April would disappear with another guy, or at least that is where he always assumed she was going.  I was used to being the one to pull him and Benny apart, of calming Roger down with nothing but rational words.  I was the only one he would listen to and actually hear what I was saying.  

          This week, something in him changed, almost melted.  I would guess it was his heart, though I had never seen him fall so quickly for someone.  In the old days, Roger would fall in love with any girl who batted her eyes, but it wasn't real love.  The only one I saw him feel that way towards was April, and now Mimi.

          Which is why she made me nervous.  April consistently broke his heart by sleeping with other people, men and women.   She would lie as to where she was, who she was with and Roger would fume and throw things and scream.  He would then retreat to his room, to a party, to a bar, to wherever he went to shoot up and forget what she was doing to him.

          I understood why Roger got so upset when Benny announced Mimi had been to see him.  Why didn't she mention it to us?  What other secrets was she hiding?  I decided that I had to talk to her, explain to her about Roger's past with April.  About how he needed honesty or else he would… no I couldn't allow myself to think about that.

          I followed everyone upstairs and realized Mimi wasn't with us.  I made and excuse and bolted down the four flights, hoping to catch up with her.  She had already made it about a block ahead of me and didn't realize I was following her. She stopped at a bus stop bench and sat down. She looked around a few times, but she didn't notice me approach her.  Her attention was toward the hooded figure crossing the street.

          She turned away from slightly as he squatted in front of her.  I hid myself behind the corner and watched her snatch something from his fingers.  He leaned in and whispered something to her and she held her head down, in what seemed like shame.  

          Her dealer.  I recognized him from St Marks last week.  She told Roger she was done with drugs.  She told him that she was giving it up.  If she was still using… I couldn't let him go back.  I had to warn him.  Yet I knew, if he loved her as much as I thought he did, it would be too late.


	2. New Years Eve Cont

Chapter Two

          When I arrived back at the loft, music was playing, but there was no real party going on.  Angel and Collins were dancing, Maureen and Joanne were sitting apart, not looking at each other and Roger was standing over our 'wood burning stove' trying to get it started.  

          "Close the door!"  Roger yelled at me as I came in. "Fuck, Mark, the draft just put out what little flame I had."  
          I shut the door quickly, "Sorry."  

          "Did you see Mimi?  She said she'd be right up."

          "Yeah… I did."  I pulled his arm to bring him to another side of the room.  "Look, Roger, you should know she was-"

          "She was meeting Benny, right?  Fuck, I knew it."

          I shook my head.  "No, not Benny."

          He looked at me strangely.  "Who then?"  I couldn't say the words.  I wished they weren't true and by saying them it would make it.  I just motioned to the inside of my elbow.  "No, you're wrong."

          "Roger… I saw her with her dealer.  The same one that only a week ago you were dragging her away from!"

          He started pacing back and forth.  "Maybe she was telling him off.  She told me she was through with it."

          "You know it isn't that easy."  I flatly said.

          He stopped and looked at me.  "You have no idea…"

          "I don't?  Wasn't I with you the whole fucking time?"  
          "Don't go playing martyr with me.  I didn't ask you to be there."

          "Whatever, Roger.  You have to break up with her."

          "Fuck you.  You don't tell me what I have to do."  
          "When it comes to this shit, I do.  I think I'm a pretty good authority on the subject.  I know your pattern, fall for girl, girl is into smack, Roger does smack.  I'm not going to be there for you again.  I can't do it, and I don't think you can either."

          "I'm not breaking up with her."  His voice carried just as the song ended.  The rest of the groups' attention was turned to us.  He continued in a loud whisper, turning his back to the others.  "I'll help her stop.  Mark, she means a lot to me."

          "You just met her Roger.  A week ago you didn't even know she existed."

          "It doesn't matter.  You don't understand, you'll never understand."  He stepped away and pulled me forward.  "Look at Collins and Angel, they just met a week ago too.  Can you see how in love they are?  You could never understand it, but when you got we got, you don't have a lot of time.  Rushing things… it is all we can do."

          "I know but…"  
          "I'm sick of wasting my life, my time here.  Fuck that."

          "Roger, be honest with me." I looked him in the eyes, "Don't ever crave it? That quick fix to the pain you hid from all these years?  Can you honestly tell me that you can be around Mimi when she's high and not want to join her."

          He turned away from me hurt.  I knew that I got to him.  Suddenly he broke out of it, "I'm stronger than that."

          "Are you really?"  He stared at me.  "Look, how many times did you say you would stop before April killed herself?  Every fucking time you two had a fight, I would find you in bed with a needle by your side."

          "Mimi's different.  I'm different now."

          "You don't know that."

          Just then, the door opened and Mimi sauntered in.  It was obvious she was already high, by the way her eyes were wide open and the fact she automatically went to Roger and draped herself around him.  He silently pulled her away and looked at me.

          "Mims, maybe we should go to your place tonight."  He glared at me while he spoke.

          "You're not going to…"

          "Have faith, Mark.  Have faith."

          Roger walked out of the loft, basically carrying Mimi along with him.  I sunk down on the old beaten couch that we took from the sidewalk.  "I wish I could."  I whispered to myself.


	3. Two weeks later

          It was two weeks later when I came home from hanging out with Angel and Collins to find Roger staring at his open guitar case.  He hadn't set foot in the loft since New Years and I was shocked to see him.  

          "Hey, Roger." I said, as normally as I could.  I think two weeks was the longest we'd ever spent without talking.

          "How much do you think I could get for her?"  He said, nodding toward his Fender.        

          "Uh…" I walked over to him.  "I don't know, $500?"

          "Fuck." He slammed the case shut.  "There is this guy I know that-" Roger always knew a guy.  "once offered me $750 for it.  But he was fucked up."

          "What guy?"

          "You don't know him." He replied.  Then to himself he added, "I wonder if he would still be interested…"

          "Why?  You just started playing again, why sell it now?"

          He grabbed the case and his jacket.  "I have to get out of here.  I can't take this shit anymore."

          "Is it Mimi?"  I asked, sincerely.  

          He glared at me at first, and then relaxed his stare and silently nodded.

          "Is she using-"

          "No." He quickly cut me off.  "It's Benny.  She still talks to him."

          "Oh."  I guess it was better than the alternative.  "Where is she now?"  

          "Who the hell knows?"  His hand was on the door.  "Look, I'll be back later. I'm going to try and track this guy down."

          "So you are staying here tonight?"

          "Yeah, I live here."  He said sarcastically.  He opened the door and to reveal Mimi getting ready to knock.  He backed away from her.

          "Hey."  She said.

          "Hey." He responded.  They stood there silently.

          This was getting nowhere fast.  

          "Mimi, come on in."  I called to her.  

          "Hi, Mark."  She smiled at me.  She really did have the same smile as April.  It was eerie.  

          "Why aren't you out with your boyfriend?"

          "Roger." I scolded.  Sometimes he acts like he is ten.

          "I told you, I wasn't.  I was…" She stopped herself before going on.  "Look, I told you.  I forgot my keys and I knew you wouldn't be home until late.  I just went out with some of the girls from work."

          "Forgot your keys.  Where? At Benny's?"

          "Fuck you, Davis."  Mimi shouted.  "I told you I wasn't with him!  If you don't believe me, then fuck off."

          She lunged for him and his body tightened.  I immediately flew between them and pushed Roger away from her.  

          "Calm down."  I looked him in the eyes.  "Roger, stop."  He looked at me and took a deep breath and turned away from us.

          Mimi stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.  "I wasn't with him, baby, I swear."  He nodded. "Come back downstairs and we'll talk."

          He turned around and kissed her.  "I'm sorry.  I just get so…"

          "I know." She smiled at him and grabbed his hand.  "Let's go home."

          He nodded and waved to me.  "I'll come by later, Mark, ok?"

          "No problem." I smiled at them and watched them walk out.  I wanted to shout, "Roger, stay here.  It isn't safe for you down there.  I can't watch you.  Does she remind you to take your AZT?  Does she remind you to eat three meals a day, to stay away from your old acquaintances, to stay clean?  Does she even do those things for herself?

          The telephone ringing interrupted my thoughts. Of course, I screened the call.  Roger and my voice yell "SPEAK!" and the beep comes.  "Mark Cohen! Is this Mark Cohen?  Alexi Darling from Buzzline.  Sweetie, you have to call me back so we can get these contracts signed and get you on the payroll.  Honey, you don't want to let this opportunity pass you by!  You have my numbers, CALL!"


End file.
